My weight was 92 this morning. Fuck! I really want trying to gain weight, but I can't. It's almost like my thoughts speaks to me. It's awfull. Like they control me. I don't sleep anymore... or I sleep one or two hours every night. I can't sleep, it's too risky. I don't know what can happend to me then. Maybe people are trying to force me to eat all this disgusting food? I'm a bit paranoid. I'm scared of everything.

At school today, when my teacher asked me a question I got panic. I could hardly breath. I had to run out of my class-room while the tears was streaming down my cheek. I was so scared. I don't know what I was scared of, but I was almost hysterical. It was terrible. I had one weak moment and got one of these fit of despair. I hate it! People must think I'm a freak.

before - after

© Nemi 2002/2003